i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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