quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just found puke in my bra..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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