he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
