I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
