why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just want to make out with him forever
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize