I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
