I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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