textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize