You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
