It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
