well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
