the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
