please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
