quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize