Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
