And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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