i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
