a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
