Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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