I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
