fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
