I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
