This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
