The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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