I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
