wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
