i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
