Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
