either way he was missing a nipple.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
