Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
