Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
