i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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