After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
