I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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