Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
