Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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