i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
