Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
