your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My feet surprised me
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