Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
