I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
