He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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