How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
