and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
