I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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