I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
