I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
