True but thats because hes a fetus.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
