Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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