i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
