Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
