What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
