Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
