The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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