ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
