the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dear god my vagina.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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