I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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