you traded sex for a burrito?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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