i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
