I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
