i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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