is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
