Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I currently don't understand fingers.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
