It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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