My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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