Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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