**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize