I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
