ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
