He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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