Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
