My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
