I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
literally had 100 drinks last night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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