I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
