Screwed.edu
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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