i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
high people should be assigned attendants
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
