If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
