i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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