Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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