he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
