No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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