I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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